Like with most things in pop culture, I am substantially behind the time in which it was appropriate to have a public opinion on Beyonc’s “Lemonade.” My “hot take, ” if you will, is a little late.
I’m an old-fashioned Millennial who isn’t on Twitter, has about a dozen images total on Instagram and only downloaded Snapchat under duress, so this is much more of a lukewarm take, a two-hour old dishwater take or an, “I had to run an errand right after I got a burger and fries, and now there’s no utilize putting them in the microwave to reheat because it’ll just be gross” take. But I’m going to write about it anyway. Sue me.
Among the catchy beats, political messages and festivities of #BlackGirlMagic, what inevitably got the most attention were the lyrics alluding to an affair. Every track on “Lemonade” was analyse, dissected and reexamined under the “Did Jay Z really cheat on Beyonc” lens. Bey seemed ready eager, even to spill the tea about her previously notoriously private life with Jay Z. And smack dab in the middle of the track “Sorry, ” she dropped the line that launched hundreds of thousands of speculations: “He better bellow Becky with the very best hair.”
Suddenly, the Internet couldn’t find Becky quickly enough. Who was she? Was she Rihanna? The ex-wife of one of Jay’s business partners? Rita Ora? Mya? A happily marriage and completely innocent cook/ talk present host about to have the worst 48 hours of social media in her life? The truth is we will never genuinely know who Becky is. But why do we care? Does it matter?
Being a bisexual female who has dated largely humen, I often get a version of this. Many of “the mens” I date tend not to care about my sexual orientation. Many girls, however, do. In my experience, when I meet a woman and hit it off, we inevitably come around to the conversation about the bogeyman that isthe bisexual woman.
“Hey, are you usually here on dames night? I guessed I’d satisfied every single lesbian in town, and I’ve never seen you before.”“No, it’s my first time here. Just came with some friends.”
“Cool. Yeah, it’s so hard to meet single lesbians in this town. I usually end up wasting my night reaching on some bi girl. I entail, they’re cute and all, but who wants to deal with that drama, right? ” An awkward stillnes ensued.“Yeah, I’m just going to go and … not is right there. Bye, ” was my response.
The circumstances are different, plainly, but the fear is the same: This person is or will be disloyal at some phase, just by virtue of who they are. The premise is that a bi female will eventually “leave you for a man, ” or will be a Becky and steal your man while your back is turned. Both of these stereotypes are too simplistic. Beckys don’tappearjust by virtue of your partner being around, and bi womenaren’t just looking to bide the time with you until their future spouse comes along.
If either of those things were to happen, they both boil down to the same result: Person betrayed your trust, and you got hurt. Does it matter whichBecky your spouse stepped out with, actually? The fact is if he was going to cheat and it wasn’t with her, it would be with the next womanwho came along and eventually said yes.The same thing runs forbisexual girls. Does it really matter if the bi womanleaves you for a human? Either way, she left because either the relationship failed, or it was simplyin her character to leave when things got shaky. What decides who stays is solely up to the relationship and and the individuals in it. The failure of a relationship should never be solely attributed to the sex orientation of one of the partners.
“Becky with the very best hair” isn’t simply one female. She is the embodiment of the “other woman” bogeyman trope. She is prettier, smarter, funnier and sweeter than you. Are you a brunette? She’s a California blonde. Are you a short, somewhat chubby, lovable nerd? She is the leggy, model-esque sorority girl who used to stimulate “youre feeling” insecure in high school.
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She makes things easy for him. She’s fun. She doesn’t give him sh* t about the 50 thtime he’s left the water running in the sink overnight. She doesn’t nag him about going to visit her mothers. She doesn’t come with the hard work it takes to make a real, loving relationship strong. She is a phantom whostalks the back of every woman’s intellect at some point.
It doesn’t matter what her name is, orhow she got into their own lives. She could be anyone. What matters is who let her in, and why. Who built promises and commitments to you, and who broke them? Don’t expend your time and energy worrying about Becky. Don’t dedicate her your energy. She will always be there. The real fear is whether or not your partner is the kind of person who will let her in.
Beyonc is even telling us that in the song. When she refers to Becky, she’s only dedicating that string of women a generic name. They don’t deserve even the slightest consideration in Beyonc’s universe. “Whoever it was, ” Beyonc is saying, “call her. Because I don’t have the patience to deal with your sh* t today.”
Beyonc’s saying, “Hopefully she( whomever she is) is willing to continue to take you in because I am not. You messed up, and now anyone else can have you.”
Beckys will enter and exit the peripherals of your relationship for years. That’s simply the style of the world. But she doesn’t nearlydeserve the attention some are willing to give her. That can( and should) be focused back onto valuing your relationship and yourself above all else.