This whole being bisexual thing is legitimately the closest comparison Ive found to actually being on a roller coaster.
Before you know it, youre strapped down to the sexuality equivalent of the Kingda Ka, and youre not sure if youre scream, AHHHHHH, because its exhilarating and fun or if youre about to see what hydrochloric acid mixed with a hot dog looks like.
Let me tell you: If you thought being bisexual was easy-peezy-lemon-squeezy, you thought more incorrect than whoever supposed the earth was flat.
Because sometimes, being bisexual is just plain HARD-AF-peezy-lemon-squeezy.
Im not saying Id have done anything differently if someone let me pick a sexuality in the womb. Im just saying, if someone had told me about these seven fights, I might have a better idea of what my bisexual self is doing( just kidding, I wouldnt ):
1. You have double the ones who dont text you back.
Honestly, if you thought it was bad that none of the three people you had been~ talking~ to texted you back, multiply that by two, and get back to me with how you feel.
OK, so the math wont always work out like that, but Im bisexual , not a mathematician.
Basically, when youre attracted to multiple genders, your dating pool grows a bit, so you obviously open yourself up to more options.
But Id tell lies if I said we didnt live in a godforsaken world a world that leaves me with even more people who refuse to text me back, even though my mommy says Im a total catch.
2. You have double the celebrities to lust after.
Are you telling me I have to juggle my lust for both Hugh Laurie AND Kate McKinnon? WHO HAS THE TIME?
Just take a second to think about how much hour youve spent in your whole life dreaming about, looking at pictures of and imagining entirely plausible wedding scenarios with your favorite celebrities.
Now, double that amount of period, and you have the enormous chunk ofmy life Ill never get back.
3. You have double the celebrities who dont know you exist.
Its a sad, sad day when youre sitting in your room, scrolling through page 37 of your Google Image search for your favorite celebrity, only to come to the bitter realization that they are your world, and you are but a mere blip on their own personal space-time continuum.
If you thought being a blip for one gender of famous people was bad enough, try being a blip for two.
THEN, try expending doubled the amount of hour sobbing off all your makeup because MORE People THAN I Guess WOULDNT LOVE ME WILL NEVER LOVE ME .
( Im looking at you, Kate McKinnon. Please love me .)
4. People think youre down for threesomes literally always.
Im still trying to figure out how to phrase Im bisexual, which means Im attracted to two genders translates to I am definitely down for any and all threesomes ever; in fact, lets have one right now.
Ill venture to say a fairly striking numberof us bisexuals are, like , not down to do the dirty with you and your partner whom Ive never met before and is likely weird and smelly.
This isnt to say no bisexual is ever down for a threesome, but maybe dont just assume Im automatically into you and/ or your weird husband.
5. You hear, Yeah, Ive experimented in the past, too, an obnoxious amount of times.
My response to this is usually something along the lines of Oh! Sorry, the subject change here hurled me for a little bit of a loop, but thats cool. What experiments have you done? Do you know the one with vinegar and baking soda? That gets me every time.
Bisexuality isnt an experimentation phase you go through, like when you lock yourself in your room for eight hours listening to Blink 182 and My Chemical Romance.
No, my lust and attraction to this obscene quantity of people who will never love me back operates as deep as my literal DNA, so much so that I feel comfortable identify as something people dont even believe exists, so
If this is all simply experimentation, then every bisexual is the best damn scientist in the world.
6. You suddenly lose all your bisexual powers if you end up in a heterosexual relationship.
The amount of irony thats still leaking out of that statement could probably drown a small, riverfront village.
Hold on to your heart because itll likely fall out of your ass when I tell you this: Bisexuals are* GASP* still bisexual if theyre in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender.
Just like all of you beasts out there can appreciate person OTHER than your partners attractiveness, I can also date person of the opposite gender and still want to bang Kate McKinnon like my life depends on it.
7. Theresa sizable chunk of the population who doesnt think you exist.
You know that scene in Princess Diaries when Mia simply lies down in her auto as it cyclones and says, Im invisible, and Im wet. Welcome to bisexuality, friends.
Im kidding. We bisexuals know were not invisible, but Ill be real for a second: Its a struggle when were just trying to chillon a bench, and someone accidentally sits on us, and then, we have to go to our friends and say, Somebody sat on me again.
No, Im not saying Princess Mia is bisexual( but she could be, SHE COULD BE ). METAPHORS, PEOPLE.
All Im saying is, its a bit frustrating to hear people say they dont believe bisexuals exist, when I am very much out here trying to exist. I may not be the best at it, but Im doing it. So clearly, that deserves a participation trophy that no ones dedicated me yet.
Needless to say, the bisexuality struggle is real JUST LIKE BISEXUALS.