How To Take The Perfect Dick Pic, From A Professional Dick Photographer

If you’re a girl with a sex life, opportunities are at some phase, you have received a dick pic. Or if you’re a dude, chances are you’ve sent one.

Perhaps you’re aboyfriend who’s sent one to his girlfriend or a f* ckbuddy who’s sent one to his daughter of the moment. Perhaps you’re somerando horny dude on Snapchat who guessed myusername one day and decided Iwould be the next victim of yourdick picroulette( true narrative ).

Sending and receiving dick pics is a rite of passage forany sexually active youngperson. It simply is.

I can guarantee, however, that no matter how many pictures of dicks dudeshave sentand women have received , none have been quite likethe ones from photographer Soraya Doolbaz.

Behold, the Dicture Gallery.We’ve get Benito Mussoweenie 😛 TAGEND And Kim Dong-un 😛 TAGEND And Dicki Minaj 😛 TAGEND

And, of course, Donald “The Dick” Trump( no “dick” pun needed for this guy ):

Genius, right?

Soraya Doolbaz is a photographer in New Yorkwho, yes, takes dick pics professionally. But clearly they’re not your median dick pics. She wants to induce you laugh.

She writes on her website’sAbout me page that although the main purpose of this project is for the sake of humor, she also points out thatour society has been mainly inundated with pictures of tits and asses due to the dominance of the male gaze. So now, she wants to give dick pics some time in the spotlight, albeit as an “artistic take on an otherwise alluring modern dating tactic.”

I wonderedwhat guy would be proud enough of his dick to permit a stranger to garment itup as Donald Trump to the purposes of art. I also definitely wanted to knowthe secretsfortaking the perfect dick pic, just to pass the knowledge onto my male friends who are trying to impress a dame. Ortoany of myfuture boyfriends who tryto turn me on with one. I entail, do you find the detail on Benito Mussoweenie’s head and the hair peeking into theframe? The female knows what she’s DOING.

So I called herto talk aboutit.

“I was shocked into laughter the first time I got my first dick pic, ” she told meon the phone. “And I only couldnt believe that somebody would do that. And then, when discussing it with my girlfriends and realizing this is a normal thing that happens, I was like …’ Wow, I wanna find more.’”

Soraya’s inspiration for this project was the way some womenfeel after receiving an unsolicited dick pic( confused and grossed out among other feelings ). So herproject aims to help women take back the power with some humor.

“Let’s make fun of this concept called dick pics! ” she said. “Lets force guys to take better ones and set some endeavor into it. If you’re gonna show me your dick, induce me laugh a little bit.”

Here’s how Soraya takes herperfect dick pic. And how you can, too.

Tip( like, justthe tip-off? Anyone? No ?) 1: Bring Your Own Fluffer.

“First and foremost: BYOF. Bring your own fluffer, ” she said.

“A…what? ” I asked.

“Fluffer. Afluffer is a partner you bring to the photoshoot that puts the costume on and builds sure your dick stays hard.”

Oh. I immediately understoodwhy humen volunteer for this project: so their girlfriends can play with their dicks for hours.

The fluffers are the ones who actually bring in theguys — framing the shoot as a token of their admiration of their boyfriend’sdicks.

“[ The fluffers are] how I know the models, ” Soraya said. “I meet girls that want me to shoot their boyfriendsor husbands, and they position it as a gift to them. They say,’ I would like to honor your dick with this photoshoot, ’ so we coordinate it, and it becomes a thing.”

Men, for your own personal dick pic photoshoot, your own hand will probably do the trick for a fluffer. Keep jerking it off to make sure it doesn’t run limp. Because as Soraya said, “There’s nothing really funny about a limp dick.”

Tip 2: The slant is everything.

When taking a dick pic, Soraya stressed the importance of the angle.

“If youre taking your own dick pic, Point of Viewis the classic one. The balls arent in there, it gets the point across, and you know, that’s the standard dick pic. If you wanted to do more of like a body shoot — let’s say you have a full length mirror and you want do a sideways shot with a littleof your body in there — that’s awesome, too. Another that’s great is[ putting] a reverse camera on a table. Lean over it, but still keep the balls out of it. And when you reach focus on the camera, your dick is front and center in the shot while your body is blurred in the background. That’s a really artistic shot.”

Tip 3: No balls.

From the previous quote, Soraya seemed really against having balls in your dick pic. So I asked her whata guy who’s super proud of his balls should do with them. Shewasn’t having it.

“Personally, and[ according to] the otherpeople Ive talked to about this, the balls are best kept out … For a really good dick pic, keep them OUT.”

Alright, well. No balls.

Tip 4: Lighting, also, iseverything.

Attention men who take darknes, grainy pictures in their bedrooms at 2 AM: Don’t. Because illuminating is extremelyimportant.

“You need really good lighting, ” Sorayasaid. “There’s different lighting you can do. Theres spot lighting, whereyoure focusing the light right on the dick.[ For others ], I have light only coming from one side to create a more dramatic portrait, if you will.”

Do you want your dick to be casting in a mysterious noir cinema? Or cavorting in a grassy meadow under somedirect sunlight? You have to decide. These are important things to consider for yourstyle of the portrait.

Tip 5: Don’t settle.

Soraya said she takeshundredsof picturesin each photoshoot and opts the best ones. So, your first dick pic shotprobably won’t be your last.

PS, don’t forget to delete all the badshots from your iPhone reel. And perhaps the good ones too, in case person decides to hack into your cloud.

Tip 6: Makesure she actually wants a picture of your dick.

Soraya couldn’t stress this enough.

“My number one tip for dick pics — and it’s important that you set this down –[ is] make sure you have either been intimate or he or she has asked for it. The number one mistake people make is sending unsolicited dick pics.”

Let me recur: A daughter is going to be weirded out( and maybe really upset by) your dick pic if you don’t let her know you’re sending it first.

Sure, there are ways to construct us feel less uncomfortable witha picture of your dick. Like, for example, by garmenting it like Donald Trump a la Soraya’s project.But there’s an easier and less humiliating route to help womenfeelambushedby dick scenes: Justfreakingask permission first.

Soraya is already workingon her next “dictures” project, where instead of garmenting dicks up as celebrities, she schemes on taking inspiration frompeople she’s encountered in her real life, like someone shewent tohigh school with or someone shedated.

So far, she’s gota character in the works named Dustin, a “jean jacket[ wearing ], bearded sunglasses guy[ who’s] a graphic designer from Oregon. He drives a Prius, and even though his neighborhood doesnt collect compost, that doesnt stop him from composting. And he only shops at fine cheese stores, and that’s his opener at parties.”

Thanks to Soraya, it’s even more likely that the recipient willbe happy to receive your next dick pic … because she’s imagining it as a staunch environmentalist.

Read more:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *