Remember GoDaddy’s Super Bowl commercial last year? The one that showed us a puppy bouncing out of a truck bed and embarking on an Odyssean journey home, only to be scooped up and unceremoniously shipped off by a likely unethical dog breeder who’d just sold him online?
Maybe you recall the Internet domain retailer’s 2013 Super Bowl ad? The one featuring a slurpy makeout sesh between model Bar Refaeli and professional nerd archetype Jesse Heiman to promote its Neanderthalian “Smart Meets Sexy” campaign? (Yes, true to every harmful stereotype about women, Refaeli played the “sexy” half.)
Or what about GoDaddy’s completely nonsensical 2012 Super Bowl spot, in which NASCAR driver Danica Patrick and fitness guru Jillian Michaels paint “GoDaddy” and “.co” a couple times on a model’s bare skin until they realize (silly women!) they hadn’t covered her breasts?
Or the company’s half-assed 2011 ad showing Patrick and Michaels fighting the men forcing them, via legalese, to do a GoDaddy ad that “goes too far”?
Or perhaps its baffling 2010 Super Bowl spot, where Patrick’s curvy masseuse asks whether she, too, has what it takes to put on a white tank top stamped with a logo?
Or the batshit 2009 Super Bowl commercial in which Patrick claims she’s “enhanced” — pause for effect — her brand awareness with a website, prompting another woman in the courtroom (upon mention of something “enhanced”) to stand up and start pulling down her low-cut shirt?
Or that one time, in 2008, when the company used a couple goons bragging how much their ad objectified women to encourage viewers to check out GoDaddy.com and see it for themselves?
Or the crass 2007 spot “revealing” the lackluster GoDaddy marketing department to be nothing more than a room where a woman wearing a tight tank top gets hosed with water?
Or the company’s ham-handed 2006 ad that almost caught a wardrobe malfunction on tape, suggesting football fans visit their site for “more”?
Or maybe you remember the very first horrifying GoDaddy commercial back in 2005 — a courtroom drama spoof that captures a woman defending GoDaddy in a pesky tank top that keeps falling off her shoulder?
Rest easy, America. After 11 years and too many nationwide eye-rolls to count, the cavemen over at GoDaddy who seem only to be capable of resorting to the lowest of lowest-common-denominator messaging will not be airing a nauseating 30-second advertisement at Super Bowl 50.
And there’s one reason to watch the game we can all get behind.
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