Earth to Apple: wireless Airpod headphones are like a tampon without a string

Consumers are perplexed by Apples new iPhone 7 AirPods because of one obvious oversight: that string is there so they dont get lost

Apples new wireless AirPods, introduced today at the launch of the iPhone 7, deliver a magical experience, the senior vice-president of marketing, Phil Schiller, promised.

They will disappear before your very eyes.

The AirPods look exactly like Apples traditional earbuds, minus the cord. The cost of making your headphones five times more likely to fall irretrievably into a grate is a more than five times increase in price, to $159.

Apple is rolling out the AirPods alongside its new, headphone jack-free iPhone 7. In a presentation that denigrated the trusty (and conveniently universal) headphone jack as ancient technology, Schiller declared that the change was about something bigger than naked commercialism.

The reason to move on, it really comes down to one word: courage, he said. The courage to move on to do something that betters all of us.

Veronica de Souza (@HeyVeronica) September 7, 2016

These air pod headphone things aren’t visible enough to signal to men that I don’t want them to talk to me

The phones will come with wired earbuds that connect through the Lightning connector, a change that will unhelpfully preclude users from charging their phones at the same time they talk on the phone or listen to music.

(Schiller boasted that there are now more than 900m Lightning-adapted devices in the world today, which may be less a testament to the cords popularity than its tendency to fall apart after a few months use.)

But wired headphones are for those who lack the courage (and cash) to go wireless, right?

It makes no sense to tether ourselves with cables to our mobile devices, Schiller said, apparently forgetting the meaning of the word mobile.

jomny sun (@jonnysun) September 7, 2016

hi evreybody a good hack for never losing ur new apple airpods is to tie them both to a long string & then tie that string aroumd ur phone!!

The AirPods will come with a little charging case (they only work for five hours before needing a charge), and have sensors that detect when they are in your ear. They include a microphone that beams toward your mouth so you can still talk on the phone. And they respond to touch, so you can tap on your ear to pick up or hang up the phone.

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