One woman spoke out on Facebook about the sexual abuse she suffered. Almost 200,000 women—and men—came forward to express support and tell their stories.”>
KIEV It all began from one personal story about sexual harassment told by a
Ukrainian, whose beauty may have played a part. Nastya Melnychenkos almond-shaped eyes seem to appraise and challenge the readers of her Facebook page. And there, earlier this year, Melnychenko was the first woman publicly to declare in Ukraine a story whose outlines are, in fact, all too common.
Until this month Melnychenko did not dare to admit that she was a victim of such sexual violence; she was terrified that the homemade porn would appear on the internet. But I grew out of it, she wrote as she launched a growing flashmob group called #Iamnotafraidtosayit in Ukrainian. She stopped worrying about blackmail, she said. I am not afraid to speak, I do not feel guilty, she wrote.
Melnychenko tells The Daily Beast that she had not the slightest idea that in a few weeks the movement she inspired would draw in 93,666 Ukrainian and 96,868 Russian Facebook users.
I knew that in some regions almost every third woman had experienced rape, but when I saw that even among your friends there are victims of incest, sexual violence, rape, as if they were norms of life, I felt shocked, Irina Kosterina, a sociologist studying gender issues in Russia, told The Daily Beast.
And now we are hearing from the men whove been victims of rape as well.
Zoryan Kis was 17 years old when a group of men, who he thought were his friends, raped him at a party in somebodys apartment, humiliating him while he was drunk and helpless. Kis tried to heal his wounds alone and kept the rape a secret from the entire world.
I buried my pain deep inside for 16 years, said Kis, who is now a Kiev based human rights defender and LGBT activist. Until this month, when I saw brave confessions by thousands of women telling their rape stories in the internet movement called #Iamnotafraidtosayit.
He saw that some of those who responded to the posts on Facebook felt intimidated by the feminist zeal and suggested that men should write about the times when they were rejected or ditched by women.
That idea angered Kis: I thought that men should hear from a man, what it feels like to be raped. Looking back at his life, Kis realized he saw violence around him from an early age. My father, the most intelligent philosopher, often grabbed my mother when they argued and threw her against the wall, Kis recalled. She fell on the floor, but he would grab her again and smash her against the wall again and again, until she divorced him.
The flashmob turned out to be a litmus paper for tolerance in Ukrainian and Russian society. How to explain that these huge countries in Europe were full of rapists, full of violent men?
In both Ukraine and Russia, generations suffered from militaristic rule, from endless wars, political repression, and domestic violence, that led to such a high level of rape, said Kosterina. If in the West a potential rapist might be stopped by a rape button and legal procedures that, ostensibly at least, encouraged the victim to tell the truth, In Russia raped women have to collect the evidence themselves, while cops laugh and humiliate them. Children, teens, young women, and men stayed silent.
Two years ago, during pro-European protests in Kiev, the Maidan Revolutions activists put up I am not afraid signs in the Ukrainian capitals central square.
Last year the Moscow region AIDS Center began a campaign#dontbeafraidwearewithyouin which celebrities and ordinary people with HIV negative results of blood tests published their photographs in support of HIV patients. But getting rid of fear became an avalanche.
In recent months, women have talked of their complexes, of losing the sense that their bodies belonged to them, with many of them telling their stories on Ukraines
Hramadske TV as well as on the social media.
One of the star reporters at Hramadske, Ekaterina Sergatskova, also wrote on Facebook about a few episodes in her lifebut not everything.
I also have a story, but I am not ready to share it, as I am not sure if I did not cause the violence myself, Sergatskova said.
Russians and Ukrainians are still learning, it seems, that while relationships are complicated, violence is not, and they should not be afraid to say that.