My most recent relationship ended after a little over a year, so for me, I am quickly approaching that mark. But our unofficial relationship dates back years. So do I get more time?
How long does it actually take to get over someone?
According to Drake, it takes forever because ~you never really stop loving someone~. You either never did, or always will.
Am I over my relationship? Have I TRULY moved on? I cant really answer that.
But it has been half a year since Ive been in it, and Id like to reflect on some of the changes that have happened in this time.
1. Overall Mood
I missed this Marissa, said an old college friend of mine when she came to visit me during my breakup. I thought, Um what does that even mean? Ive always been this Marissa.
Or had I?
Relationships change you. Sometimes for the better, but unfortunately, sometimes for the worse.
When I look back on our relationship, however, I realize he changed me in ways that werent so good for me.
I am a pretty outgoing, happy person overall, but I never felt good enough for my boyfriend. He often made me doubt myself, instead of lifting me up.
Spoiler alert: this is the complete opposite of what a boyfriend should be doing.
I constantly questioned his intentions, but this was beyond trust issues. What I mean by this is I was always asking, Does he really love me? Why hasnt he texted me today? Am I good enough for him?
I had been in a previous relationship where I had no doubt of my partners feelings because we were very open with each other.
My most recent boyfriend, however, never had been in a serious relationship. This hurt us a lot.
I felt like I couldnt talk to him about how I was feeling, literally ever. I wasnt myself. I was always sad, and always trying to hide that sadness. I knew it, and so did those closest to me.
When we broke up, a slight weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I missed him; I was sad; I cried (a lot). I still feel these things at times, but guess what? I am good enough.
I dont doubt myself or feel obligated to prove my worth to anyone. Im always just doin me (love you, Drizzy).
And I place the blame on me (partially) for letting myself be with a person who made me feel anything less than amazing, for not speaking up every time I should of and for letting someone elses actions hindermy own.
I hate to say the word dumped because I knew the end of the relationship was coming. He just had the guts to pull the trigger first.
However, getting dumped actually BOOSTED my confidence. I never wanted to admit it, but my boyfriend essentially made me more self-conscious than beautiful and loved.
I cant remember the nicest thing he ever said to me. Quite frankly, he was a man of few kind words. I received the good morning, beautiful text messages whenever he knew he fuckedup.
He never praised my appearance, outfits or body.
One night around the holidays, I attended a work event of his. Its important to note that I am the polar opposite of a girly girl. And I may not be a size 0, Instagram model, trendy chick, but I think of myself as attractive (not to mention, awesome AF) young woman.
I had received one of those in-store Sephora makeovers as a gift for Christmas. I thought this was a great way to get someone else to do the work, and my guy would be able to show me off to all his co-workers.
When he saw me that night, the first thing he blurted out was WHOA thats a bit much. Bruh
In all, my ex just wasnt good at making me feel good.
I dont know ifit was his lack of finding the right words and the right moment, or if he just really didnt think much of me,but I dont care anymore.
And even though I wasnt genuinely interested in literally any of these new guys, the newfound attention helped me get back on my horse and remember that Im a bomb ass catch.
3. My Body And Fitness Commitment
No, I didnt drop 20 poundsto spite my ex and show him what hes missing.
Yes, there was a short period of time where I had no appetite because of the horrible sadness and grief, and I dropped weight quickly. But that also ended quickly because, well, food is amazing and pizza exists.
However, binge eating while watching Netflix on a Friday night in just isnt as much fun (or socially acceptable, unfortunately) to do alone.
Currently, Im training for a half marathon. I run at least 5 miles a day.
This all definitely aided my newfound self-confidence, except the best part is that it isnt to get him back. Its because I look AND feel better.
When youre in a relationship, its very easy to loose sight of your priorities.
You want to spend all of your time with this person. You forget there are other people whocare about you, and whom you care about, as well.
I like to think I did a pretty decent job at balancing my friends and my boyfriend, but when it came down to it, I was guilty of more often than not picking him over them. It was comfortable, safe and easy to spend all of my time with him.
Lucky for me, I hadnt damaged my friendshipstoo much while in my relationship. When the relationship ended, I always wanted to be doing something to distract myself.
I wanted to go out more, meet new people and just have fun. I was always making plans with friends, texting them more and overall, I was being a better friend.
It was only after becoming single again that my eyes were opened to how truly damaging a significant other can be to friendships if you arent careful.
I was thankful that my friends were there for me because, when it comes down to it, hoes before bros. Always.
5. My Strength
I forgot to mention the part where my boyfriend left me while we were living in a city four hours away from my hometown, closest friends and family.
I had no idea how I was going to survive in that place alone. I could count on one hand how many people I felt like I could rely on where I lived. I had no choice but to get my shit together.
I didnt have time to feel sorry for myself. I didnt let my world crumble just because he was no longer in it.
The quote you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have is a bit dramatic for my situation, but it applies.
Because when the time came to be strong, it really wasnt so hard.
It might havehelped that while we were together, I was already conditioned into barely being able to rely on him emotionally.
Yeah, I was lonely at times. I suffered many anxiety and panic attacks, butI handled it. I put my big girl pants on, and I survived.
6. My expectations for future relationships
People come into your life as a lesson or a blessin. And I have definitely learned my lesson.
Settling is actually bullshit.
Why ever settle for someone average, when you could be getting extraordinary?
I really dont know what I was thinking. I would never get back into a relationship like the one I was in under those circumstances.
So, why did I hold onto a person who was doing me more harm than good for so long? Probably (definitely) because he was truly my best friend.
In fact, we were best friends for years before we dated. But I will make new friends, and I will meet new lovers.
Maybe we wont have the same stupid sense of humor or taste in music. Maybe no one will ever be as compatible for me as my ex once was. But at least they wont make me feel belittled.
Maybe they will actually be proud to call me theirs; maybe theyll surprise me with flowers here and there and be a loving romantic. Who knows, but Im hoping I find out soon.
I guess themoral of my story is that whether or not you have moved on from a past relationship, and despite how much time has passed, I bet you something good has come from this time you have been apart.
You just need to figure out what that is, and use it.